Cruddy Acres

[ Flag ]

[ The Club ] Cruddy Acres Golfing is located 14 hours north-west of Nowhere. Cruddy Acres offers much more than just lousy golfing. We have a swamp, hazardous waste, and a skunk farm. You don't have to be a member to enjoy our club, in fact we see new faces around the course all the time. We are sure when you see our facilities you will never come again.


[ The Holes ] Cruddy acres is a bananaball's delight. We have no out-of-bounds, no water hazards, and no fairways to miss. Our holes have been played by some of the worst names in golfing. In fact, Crudball Shanker the world's chili dip champion holds the course record at 347. (We believe credit should be given for the maximum strokes per round.) (We don't believe in the stupid USGA handicap system either.) We also have refreshment areas along our course where green hot dogs and lukewarm acidic coffee is available. Our caddies are top of the line winos and can actually find the ball one out of four holes..


[ The Fees ] Cruddy Acres is very affordable, we charge $1.00 per hole for up to 9 holes for adults and $.50 per hole for 17 and younger. Eighteen holes are $2 per hole for adults and $2 per hole for 17 and younger. All fees payable in advance - many of our players are never seen again. We also have group rates for parties of eight hundred or more. If you are interested in playing, call us at 1-800-THE-CRUD or email us at no-one@nowhere.com.

[ Flag ]
Last Updated: November12, 1997